there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
