i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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