when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
