how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
