dude i'm inner monologue high
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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