So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I smell stomach acid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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