How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
