You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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