you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
