so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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