its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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