He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Vodka?
Forever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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