i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
