I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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