Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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