Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
