she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
