somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
