opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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