your room smells of hookers.
And success
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
