Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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