i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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