Plan B is the new Plan A
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
