you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
