So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
