Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
