i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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