I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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