We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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