her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's rum buckets o'clock
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
