I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
