Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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