Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
there is puke in my bra ... again
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