theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
