I love black thongs
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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