I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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