What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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