there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
