ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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