Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
