How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
