u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
