Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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