dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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