Tell her she can't have a vagina
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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