1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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