So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
