I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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