Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
