Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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