you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
