I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
