I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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