I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
