I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
